Folks, we're in a HOLD

 The past 4-6 weeks have been a lot over here.  The amount of change, challenge and overall impact of stress has shown up in my life in different ways than ever before.  I know it's a part of growth, and for that I'm grateful.  I'm sure there is a place for all of this in the way I want to show up for others in service.  I'll be able to add it to my toolbox from which I draw ideas and can find connection for clients. 

In the meantime, it's been quite a challenge to remain in the observation deck in my life.  To the contrary, it's felt like challenges have been tugging on my buoy of life more aggressively lately and the result is that I've had to take a moment personally in order to find peace and regroup.  It's so important to me to show up in a full and authentic way and in order to do that I've had to take a beat.  

In theater, there is a period of rehearsals before the show opens that's called "tech" - or technical rehearsal. During this set of rehearsals, the technical artistic elements get nailed down.  This means that lighting, sound, stage mechanics, costume, props etc all get worked out in methodical, step-by-step rehearsals.  Often, as actors and musicians move through the show during this rehearsal period, there comes a time when the production team will need to stop the rehearsal exactly where it is, make an adjustment, and then continue with the rehearsal.  Allowing for this painstaking detail is the only way that a high quality show is produced.  During this process there is no "cutting corners" and it requires deep patience and a dedication and commitment to excellence from everyone involved in the production.  Once you've gotten through Tech, though, the show is beautiful and smooth and ready for an audience.  It's a crucial part of the production process because you can't fully tell the story and honor it without all of the elements fully accounted for.  I used to love tech.  Sure they were long hours - you'd get into the theater in the morning and get out 12+ hours later - but I just loved it.  

As I've been navigating the last month or so, I've felt compelled to put myself in a "HOLD", just as I used to in theater.  Things on the stage of my life were needing real-time adjustment in order to move forward.  The only way to fix it is to stop, figure out exactly what the issue is, figure out the best way forward, try to implement the fix, test it, and move on.  Copy paste.  Copy paste. 

At first I resisted this "HOLD", thinking that it wasn't productive and that I was letting people down.  Now I see two things clearly:

1. HOLD is not unproductive.  It's a time of focus and growth and alignment.  It's tiring.  It's worth it. 

2. I haven't let anyone down. Most importantly - not myself.  In fact, trying to show up and muddle through the "show" because of an arbitrary presumption would have done more harm than good.  I'd risk phoning it in or coming forward in a way that isn't authentic.  That undermines the core of what I'm here to do.

Yesterday at the bottom page of my journal was this quote from Eckhart Tolle:  Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you.  

As I re-engage after my HOLD, I'm keeping this in mind and moving forward with the growth and wisdom from this time in my arsenal.  

During this time I held space for that curiosity and openness to answers.  Instead of pushing or pulling for them, I practiced released my grip and waited for the information and adjustments to come.  They do, when you let them.  

So as you move forward in your life I encourage you: if you are feeling like you need a "HOLD" - take it without apology.  Use the time as you need it and see what's there waiting for you.  Doing so will mean that you are able to engage more deeply in your life, and if you use what you learn, you'll be doing a greater service to those around you.  

Folks, we're back.